lesson learnt

Master Miao Jing shared with me a valuable lesson today. She started by asking me why the "Mu Yu" is called such. I of course said that I didn't know. Then, she replied because the fishes' eyes are closed, and that it signifies yun shi zhuan shi(at least thats what I heard) Bottom line is, it means that we should not let the situation we are in change us, rather we should change the way we think to control the situation we are in.

Being lead...

I think some leaders were meant to lead, and then there are some leaders that are meant to be lead. I fall in the latter category. Since I was chosen to lead a group, I notice that I have a lot of self-appointed political advisers, not complaining though. They are all doing a great job, although I always seem to be the last to know anything, since they discuss things on their own and tell me when everything is set. That is just sooo frustrating. I know they are older, but shouldn't they know better?

Perhaps I am just trying to do what Oscar Wilde says when he said that “Those who try to lead the people can only do so by following the mob.”

I really need to be more courageous and express myself more.

Growing up...

I think I finally grew up last month...not because it was my 24th birthday. haha I was sent to China for training ALONE. It was my first time ever traveling without a companion. I was scared when I found out I'd be alone to say the least. And considering that it would be my first time to go to Shenzhen, I was even more apprehensive. The flight booked for me was from Manila to Hongkong, so I had to take care of the Hongkong-Shenzhen transportation by myself. (I took the 7-seater van of the Eternal East Bus Lines at the Hong Kong Airport for RMB180. Took the same van back to Hong Kong.) The whole trip was very smooth. Didn't have any problem at immigration or customs. My dad and mom drove me to the airport for my flight and my mom accompanied me up to the place where the line for the security checks start. I was so used to having someone to talk to while going through the security process, check-in, immigration and wait, and I was scared when I turned my head and my mom was like 1 meter behind me. I then realized, "Oh my God! I'm travelling on my own. What will I do?" I kept on texting my mom while I was in China, when I woke up, when I arrived at the office and when I got home and before I went to bed. It's ironic how much I want to live on my own and be independent and when given the opportunity to be independent for a few weeks, I felt homesick...as in, really homesick. Indeed, there's no place like home.

technology and romance

Had a pretty good week...although last Friday there was an uber makulit old man that demanded to go into the bank after banking hours, and I had to go out and talk to him. I hit my head on the steel door while I was coming back in. Still hurts when I press on it. The old man had extremely bad manners and had the nerve to say that I wouldn't hit myself if we had just let him in. Excuse me, but who are you? Would anyone in their right mind let a stranger go into the bank after office hours. Of course not....duh!

After that stressing event, we at the office had merienda from Starbucks c/o Donna. Thanks Donna! And then for dinner, me, Sir Herman and Pan had dinner at I'm Angus. Pan and I had the 16 oz T-Bone, while Sir Herman had the Tomahawk steak. The meat was so tender, we had ours done medium rare, and it was grilled perfectly. It was soft and juicy, but not to the point that there was still a lot of blood. We were so stuffed after. I wasn't able to finish my food pa..we had red wine, and as usual, I got real red after just one glass. I only had one glass for the entire evening, but it was good with the steak.

We had a seminar at the office yesterday. After that, I met up with Atsi Dol and Atsi Joy for crepe at Cafe Breton. Yum! It's been a while since I've had crepes. We were talking about guys and how technology has made it quite easy for guys to court girls. Before, guys would have to visit the girl and really talk to her. Two people actually spend time together to find out if they are really compatible. Now, guys can just grab their cellphone and text a simple, "Hi, good morning, have a nice day, kumain ka na" or "I miss you" or "How was your day?" All this is just too easy. It's pretty hard to determine if the guy is really into you or is he just uhm...texting you out of boredom. (Ouch!)

makeovers

Right now, I am in the process of changing myself. It's a self-makeover. It's time that I grow up. I've said this for the longest time, but somehow, I still can't do this, express myself more. I try to, but I just can't. Although lately, I've noticed that I've changed a bit. I've become more outgoing and I now know better to shut up and not react when there is something that is happening that is not according to what I think should be happening.

Also, before I may be annoyed when people overpower me. Now, I am thankful that I have people like them around me, because for one thing, they can overpower the one person that I can't control. That one person, I must be thankful for too, because he is teaching me to stretch my patience level. And in more ways than one, he and his supporter(not that he has just one, but there is this certain one that is very vocal) have let me know that I am not actually as meek as I thought I was. I can fight back and stand up for myself when I know whats right. I am not one to just stand down when people gang up on me and confront me for something I never did.

To more changes for the better......cheers!

inspiring....

found this poem while surfing...i can totally relate to this. Each line strikes a chord to my heart. That's how well it sums up what I am feeling day to day.

DESIDERATA

written by Max Ehrmann


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.


As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.


Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

The past few days have been extremely toxic. I am so stressed lately that I am losing interest in everything, except the summer camp. Am so looking forward to that! And don't forget Vesak Day! We don't have a performance yet, but we'll think of something. After all, we're not called the "two week group" for nothing. Although this time, we might have less than two weeks to prepare. haha

I am thinking about leaving my job. The jobs great, yes. But recently, too much work has been piled on me, even things that aren't really in my job description. Then there is an office mate that I am having problems with an office mate right now. She tends to pass whatever work that has been assigned to her to me(actually, its more like, she barks her order. Imagine Cinderella's stepmother and stepsisters). I told her nicely that I have lots to do and that maybe she could do it herself if its urgent. Now, she's not talking to me. Well, fine by me, at least she's not giving me extra work na. hehe

busy busy busy

Life has been hectic the past few months. So many things to do...trying so hard to balance work and YAD and family, somehow 24 hours a day seems too short. I have barely had a good nights' rest since January. Unfortunately, it has caused me to be cranky. haha Am looking forward to my vacation in April. Although, it worries me as well. I am wondering how we're going to be finishing all the things that need to be accomplished in just a few weeks' time.

Aside from having an extremely long list of things to do, there are still other pressures from other outside forces, things that are unexpectedly popping up, and not having a lot of people. It's sort of driving me crazy, thinking what I should do next. This is all overwhelming me. I am trying to learn to prioritize and most importantly, dealing with difficult people. The latter is my most important agenda now.

This, like all things, shall pass....Just have to endure the stress for a few more months. 53 days till camp!

Still accepting registrants! Email me for inquiries. kichiko_yawun @ yahoo.com

it's saturday night...and am home

Not that that's new, but I wanted to go out today. I was already excited for it. But then, the monthly visitor came, and I've got a bad case of cramps again. Grrr...So, now am sitting here in front of my laptop, doing work, talking to my cousin over Skype and organizing a summer camp while my friends are out. hahaha sour-graping again :P

Although, I feel that I accomplished some stuff this afternoon. I at least finished the division of tasks for the talk next Sunday, and have all the posts filled up.

There's so much going on in my life right now. And it's so hard figuring out which to start on first. There's work, BLIA YAD, family and friends. Each has its own sublist of things to do. WAAAAH!

I think I can, I think I can...that's my mantra now.

I'm praying that I come out of this in one piece. Thank you to everybody for keeping up with me, and for understanding my extremely late reaction when you talk to me and for the times I look like I might bite them when they ask for something. Thank you also to my newest comfort drink from Starbucks, Decaf Soy Latte, for allowing me to relax with a warm cup of you in my hands when the going gets really rough.

new year, new goals

I haven't really been up to writing or anything lately...I haven't had the chance to slow down and breathe for a long long long time, not even during the Christmas break. There was always something to do. And then, there was the cool weather. That also made me a little bit more sluggish than normal. hehehehe

With the new year going (and the Chinese New Year just around the corner), I'd like to make a few notes to myself about what I want to accomplish this year.
1. MBA applications - What happened to those? hahaha I still haven't pushed through with my MBA applications and most importantly, taking the GMAT. I've always feared rejection and I think it's time to make the leap. Well, have to be well prepared before I actually do that though. So, I'm going to start reviewing.

2. Have more courage to express myself - I've always had trouble doing this. Although I am better at writing down my feelings than saying it out loud. But either way, I still suck at self expression. I need to learn to stand up, take a stand rather, and let the world know what I think, and not just say "Yes" to everything.

I really like this quote from U.S. Pres. Barack Obama,"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." This quote is going to be my new inspiration to work harder, be stronger, live more, love more and laugh more.