Mid-year entry

So much has changed this year…I changed a lot, too. I changed my hairstyle(not really changed changed, but I had it rebonded), I transferred to a new job, I’ve begun to explore new things, I’m gaining new experiences, etc. But really, what is it that I want to do? Is it all this that’s been part of my life the past 22 years? Or is it something more? My life has been the same in my 22 years. My family is quite reserved, so there’s not really much room for me to explore or wander…am restricted to just daydreaming about stuff. Is it just because there’s no room for me to fail? Or is it just because I was never given the opportunity to fail? I’ve been so sheltered all my life, that I’ve never known how it’s like to really live. I’ve never had to worry about anything...not exactly anything, I used to worry when it was course card distribution day that I would get a 1.0 or worse, a 0.0 in my course card. But really, that doesn’t really count as a problem compared to what other people go through, right? I’ve always been too careful. I’ve never really given myself a chance to learn how to get out of my comfort zone, to cry, to let go, to fall, to grow up. Yes, that’s what I want to do.

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Memorable events:
1) Was able to catch the farewell run of Avenue Q with Erika last Saturday, June 21. It was wonderfully entertaining. Love how it was presented in a Sesame Street-ish way. The actors were so good, some were even controlling two puppets for the show. I love the songs in the musical, especially the one’s performed in the latter part of the show. They were all so catchy. As of today, I am still humming “It sucks to be me”. Haha

2) I’m no longer confused. I now know what he is thinking. Now, I’m the one that’s confusing him. And for that, I apologize. I like you a lot, but there are just some things that I am not sure of.

stuck

I feel that I'm stuck....stuck in the moment, stuck at the crossroads (even before I get there). I'm so confused. I can't really put a finger on what it is that's making me feel this way. But somehow, I feel that what I'm doing now doesn't really match with my life's long term goals. Then, there are things that are happening that I'm not sure what I really want. It's the long time question that I've been thinking about, career or family? That's the end all and be all of every question thats hanging about my head right now actually. I find the answer to that, and I will have a clear sense of where I want to go then..hopefully.