I've always been careful in everything. I tend to hold back at the last minute, thinking everything over again before making the leap. I think too much about everything. I lack spontaneity. All these are my bad traits, I know that, but somehow I just tend to be uber conservative with my decisions. With love, it was the same thing, I looked at things not just in its' emotional sense, but also the logical. I think long-term. I imagined how it would be if we did end up together. It was not really the life I would expect myself to be in, nor is it the type of family my parents would want me to be marrying into. Not that the family is bad or anything, its just that they're complicated compared to how my family is, which would be easily described as close-knit, warm and caring. Anyway, I chose to let go. It hurt, but I'm surviving. I told myself that this decision would be for the best. But I'm thinking, is this one of those times I held back again? Should I have stayed on a little longer?
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Time has been extremely fast. It's been more than a month since my grandma passed away. The whole family still misses her. I still tear up at times when I think about how this Christmas she won't be beside us. It also hurts that of all the Christmas celebrations, I never thought of taking pictures. Now, all we have are memories in our head and nothing that will actually show us the look on Ama's face when she opened her presents or when she saw us opening ours or when her grandchildren were all receiving ang-pao's from her.
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