year-ender

So much has happened...maybe a little too much haha either that, or I actually was "living" more this year.

Things have been crazy at times, a little overly hectic, and then, sometimes mundane and boring. There were days I got so stressed that I just wanted to lock myself in my room and curl up and sleep and not care about the world for once. I guess if I had to use one word to explain this year, it'd probably be whirlwind. So much has happened. Most of them unplanned. It is true that the only constant thing in this world is change. Change which proved that I was capable to go through hardships and come out stronger.

Memorable moments of my year 2008 include:
1) finding a new job- This happened earlier this year. Yes, it made me feel more like I had a future. However, the biggest downside would be learning to be extremely careful with what you say to people. Somehow, everybody has a hidden agenda. I now have to practice learning to be "plastic", which is extremely not me. I am the type who is so frank and straightforward. It's just too hard to live behind a mask.

2) I loved and lost. - Yes, I did. Not many people know this. I never brought this up with anyone, except a handful of people. I learned a lot through this though. It hurt a lot when after I asked for space, I found out that I loved him. I love him for his eccentricities, his kindness, his understanding, his dreams, his everything. Although yea, there are some things that he does that totally annoy me. But I love the whole package.

3) being elected as YAD President - This totally came as a surprise as I went to the elections thinking about whom to elect as President. It never went through my mind that I would be the one getting the seat. I hope I will be able to do a good job. The past President's have all been so successful. I have lots to learn, not only from them but also from the Venerables and the Uncles/auntie's as well. I hope that I will be a good leader, but I promise that I will not only lead but be lead as well. We are all in this together, and I wish that we will have more active members that will work together for a bigger and better YAD.First up, I hope everybody's ready for the summer camp next year. We've got loads of fun-filled activities waiting for all our campers this year.

stepping on a glass floor

I've always been careful in everything. I tend to hold back at the last minute, thinking everything over again before making the leap. I think too much about everything. I lack spontaneity. All these are my bad traits, I know that, but somehow I just tend to be uber conservative with my decisions. With love, it was the same thing, I looked at things not just in its' emotional sense, but also the logical. I think long-term. I imagined how it would be if we did end up together. It was not really the life I would expect myself to be in, nor is it the type of family my parents would want me to be marrying into. Not that the family is bad or anything, its just that they're complicated compared to how my family is, which would be easily described as close-knit, warm and caring. Anyway, I chose to let go. It hurt, but I'm surviving. I told myself that this decision would be for the best. But I'm thinking, is this one of those times I held back again? Should I have stayed on a little longer?



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Time has been extremely fast. It's been more than a month since my grandma passed away. The whole family still misses her. I still tear up at times when I think about how this Christmas she won't be beside us. It also hurts that of all the Christmas celebrations, I never thought of taking pictures. Now, all we have are memories in our head and nothing that will actually show us the look on Ama's face when she opened her presents or when she saw us opening ours or when her grandchildren were all receiving ang-pao's from her.

looking back...looking forward

The past month can be summed up with one word...numbness. I think I said this in my previous entry. We were just going through everyday life without really thinking about anything. We were trying really hard to make everything seem normal, but we all can't deny that our lives will never be the same again. The past two weeks has been full of reflection, planning, contemplating, reminiscing and discussing. What are we going to do? Where are we going to go? Questions like that kept on coming up. No one wanted to give an answer to that. It really hurt whenever someone would open that topic. It almost seemed that everyone in the family was going to part ways. The past few days, I've been thinking about pushing through with the GMAT and my MBA applications. I might do part-time study for the first year, so that I will be able to get experience working abroad while I do my studies. I figure that work will be different even with whatever experience I've had here in Manila. Although I admit, working at BoC has been very helpful. It's hectic, but I learn a lot. But seriously, I don't want to be in branch banking all my life. Being a frontliner is fun, but there are times, where interaction can be too much and I just want to be in my own world. I'd still rather be an analyst or do research.


I would like to say thank you to everyone that offered their prayers in this hard time. It helps a lot knowing that people are there for me when I need cheering up.

Bye Grandma...I miss you

The past two weeks have been crazy. I've somehow become numb to everything thats happening. I just get up and go, not really putting my heart into anything. I simply just did. My family lost someone very dear to us. My grandma passed away last October 14. Up until the funeral, I was still in denial. I hoped that somehow everything was just a joke and grandma was just pulling a prank on us. No one expected this unfortunate event. A-mah was fine, there was no sign whatsoever that she'd be leaving us that day. She was following the routine she usually follows. Then, it happened. I was at work when my mom told me the bad news. I wanted to leave immediately. I was hoping that a miracle would take place and my a-mah would be at home, sitting at her wheelchair, with the maid helping her with dinner.But that didn't happen, grandma was really gone. The entire family grieved the loss of the bind that tied us all together. We all had different things to do, but she was the point where everybody was connected to. Now, everybody will be going their own ways, and it's going to be rare that we see each other. I will miss that, but I will miss my grandma even more. I cried the other day when I went to the house my grandma lived in. It was mainly becuase the lack of a familiar figure, the call of my grandma when we go in, asking us if we've eaten. Now the house is just empty.


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From this experience, I learned that some people can actually be both dense and tactless. Or just downright annoying. I thought one can only be one or the other. Read below, and see if you won't be annoyed. A is her, B is me. (words in parenthesis are my side comments)

A:Hi! My dad just came home and he saw you(at the funeral house). Condolence sa relative mo. Pano mo naging relative un?

B: It's my grandma...Thanx

A: I'm so sorry, di ko alam. Sabi lang ng dad ko relative mo. Condolence talaga. I know how much you love your gwa-ma. How are you doing?

B: No, not my gwa-ma, dad's side grandma. Ok naman..medyo busy the past few days coz work as usual ako. (By this message, I already wanted to hit her on the head. PLEASE...get your facts straight first.)

A: Oooopps...Sorry! Akala ko mom side mo c __________(Name of relative her dad visited) hehe Please extend my condolence sa dad mo. Naconfuse ako sa family tree mo. hehe

B: (What's so confusing about my family tree? If you asked first, you wouldn't be making that mistake. I didn't reply after this one.)

A: Buti na rin may leave ka na para di kaltas sweldo. :)

B: Kahit na wala ako leave, maglleave pa rin ako. Its my grandma no. (She just had to reply. GRRRR)

Mid-week respite

No work today...yey! I really need the extra day off. Have been too engrossed with work (among others, but yes, about half my day already goes to work lately that I have not had time to do stuff for myself. I can't even have a decent lunch break without people looking for me. The old saying that says all work and no play makes someone dull is so true. At times, I ask myself, "What am I doing?" There are instances wherein I'm so stressed that I lose track of what I should be doing and instead do a whole lot of stuff that isn't even part of my job responsibilities in the first place. I have to learn not to give in to demanding clients..and to prioritize my work before doing others' work.

On a side note, I am now a gym bunny again. I enrolled myself at Fitness First together with my officemates last week. Had my first gym session yesterday. Surprisingly, my muscles aren't as sore as I expected them to be. Need to lose weight before the holiday season starts. Sudden thought, I have to figure our how to maintain my weight during the holiday season if I do lose weight from now till December, that is. I hope to be able to be able to buy new clothes (in a smaller size) by December. *fingers crossed*