Met up with my high school friends last Saturday. It was fun talking about what's happening in our lives and stuff. Got teased about this guy I was paired up with in High School. A guy I never liked anyways. Somehow that label is stuck in everybody's head..hehe but it's okay. It's not real anyways.
We talked about careers, love lifes, etc etc.All of a sudden, I had this feeling that we were all grown-ups. I never realized how fast we were growing up. But then again, we never feel the time passing by anyways...
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Being Half and Half
I often ask myself, “Am I really Chinese?” When the criteria for judging is looks-based and ancestral lineage is also a vital basis, I can be 100% sure that the answer will be yes. But when beliefs, ideals and principle become the main gauge on being a real Chinese, I don’t think I can confidently give an affirmative answer.
Strictly speaking, I live in a traditional Chinese family. We eat Chinese food at home, we HAVE to speak Chinese, whether it be Madarin or Fookien, at home, we practice the ancient Chinese customs that have been there since my ancestors were in China.
I always thought that I was a real Chinese until I went to Beijing to study for 50 days. In these 50 days, I had language classes, Chinese calligraphy classes, Chinese History, Wushu class and also music class. In these classes, we not only got a chance to strengthen our grasp of the Chinese-Mandarin Language, but we also go to further understand Chinese culture. Here I felt this sudden shame; I felt that I didn’t understand my own culture enough. How can I call myself Chinese when I couldn't even tell which city was in the northernmost part or what did Sun Yat Sen actually do to earn his title as the National Hero. I didn’t know how many minority tribes composed the country or what the Chinese opera meant (or the types of Opera they have in China), and the list would go on and on.
Aside from all these classes we also went out to tour the different historical attractions located Beijing, namely: Forbidden City, Summer Palace, Temple of Heaven, BeiHai Park, Xiang Shan Botanical Gardens, Ba Da Chu park, and of course, the Great Wall of China.
During my stay in Beijing, I saw that there were a lot of people of different nationalities studying Mandarin at the school I was studying in. There were Koreans, Indonesians, Americans, German and there was also one student who came from the Philippines. It seems funny how these people all want to study the Chinese language and learn more about the Chinese culture, and overseas Chinese born here in the Philippines all try to do their best to stay at the lower grade levels in Chinese. Is it because their parents don’t make them feel the importance of knowing one’s own roots or is it because the society that the Filipino-Chinese live in is not that accepting of the Chinese culture enough for us to freely be ourselves and practice the culture that is uniquely ours. If I remember correctly, Chinese have always been a marginalized group, people used to think lowly of Chinese and there have been a lot of prejudice against the Chinese. I had a couple of classmates in university who always made fun of the Chinese culture. There was one who used to blabber in this Chinese accent…He was just talking nonsense, and it hurt since no one in our class could speak in straight Chinese except me. Obviously he was trying to get me to get mad. Honestly, I don’t really blame him for that. A lot of Filipino-Chinese nowadays can’t even speak Mandarin or Fookien fluently anymore. They don’t put much importance in studying the Chinese language or culture. Perhaps they think that just because they were born and bred in the Philippines makes them a Filipino. It is quite stupid for them to think that. Let’s say one day they go to China, people will still assume that they can speak Chinese since they look Chinese. Wouldn’t it just be embarrassing if they couldn’t answer?
Maybe then they would realize that it’s not a sin to be good in Chinese or that being Chinese means that you would be part of the “out” crowd.
Strictly speaking, I live in a traditional Chinese family. We eat Chinese food at home, we HAVE to speak Chinese, whether it be Madarin or Fookien, at home, we practice the ancient Chinese customs that have been there since my ancestors were in China.
I always thought that I was a real Chinese until I went to Beijing to study for 50 days. In these 50 days, I had language classes, Chinese calligraphy classes, Chinese History, Wushu class and also music class. In these classes, we not only got a chance to strengthen our grasp of the Chinese-Mandarin Language, but we also go to further understand Chinese culture. Here I felt this sudden shame; I felt that I didn’t understand my own culture enough. How can I call myself Chinese when I couldn't even tell which city was in the northernmost part or what did Sun Yat Sen actually do to earn his title as the National Hero. I didn’t know how many minority tribes composed the country or what the Chinese opera meant (or the types of Opera they have in China), and the list would go on and on.
Aside from all these classes we also went out to tour the different historical attractions located Beijing, namely: Forbidden City, Summer Palace, Temple of Heaven, BeiHai Park, Xiang Shan Botanical Gardens, Ba Da Chu park, and of course, the Great Wall of China.
During my stay in Beijing, I saw that there were a lot of people of different nationalities studying Mandarin at the school I was studying in. There were Koreans, Indonesians, Americans, German and there was also one student who came from the Philippines. It seems funny how these people all want to study the Chinese language and learn more about the Chinese culture, and overseas Chinese born here in the Philippines all try to do their best to stay at the lower grade levels in Chinese. Is it because their parents don’t make them feel the importance of knowing one’s own roots or is it because the society that the Filipino-Chinese live in is not that accepting of the Chinese culture enough for us to freely be ourselves and practice the culture that is uniquely ours. If I remember correctly, Chinese have always been a marginalized group, people used to think lowly of Chinese and there have been a lot of prejudice against the Chinese. I had a couple of classmates in university who always made fun of the Chinese culture. There was one who used to blabber in this Chinese accent…He was just talking nonsense, and it hurt since no one in our class could speak in straight Chinese except me. Obviously he was trying to get me to get mad. Honestly, I don’t really blame him for that. A lot of Filipino-Chinese nowadays can’t even speak Mandarin or Fookien fluently anymore. They don’t put much importance in studying the Chinese language or culture. Perhaps they think that just because they were born and bred in the Philippines makes them a Filipino. It is quite stupid for them to think that. Let’s say one day they go to China, people will still assume that they can speak Chinese since they look Chinese. Wouldn’t it just be embarrassing if they couldn’t answer?
Maybe then they would realize that it’s not a sin to be good in Chinese or that being Chinese means that you would be part of the “out” crowd.
Friday, June 02, 2006
ranting
I want to be free…I am starting to dislike my life here in Manila. After 50 days of freedom in Beijing, I feel more and more repressed and controlled. I miss the days when I could go out and I didn’t need anybody’s permission, when I didn’t have anything to worry about and nobody nagged at me to do this or that. I was myself for a while. I was not a puppet at all… I was free to be the me that I want to be. No one told me what to do, what course I should take, what I shouldn’t do.
Why does society impose all these traditions, rules, beliefs on itself? Why can’t everybody just be free to do as they wish? Why can’t parents accept the fact that they don’t own the life of their children? They can’t control them forever….these children need space to breathe. They are not robots that can be controlled, if they could be controlled then there would be no rebelling children, or children turning to drugs, alcohol, etc.
I have not reached that point yet…I am just looking for a way out of this kind of life….I will get through this ALIVE.
Why does society impose all these traditions, rules, beliefs on itself? Why can’t everybody just be free to do as they wish? Why can’t parents accept the fact that they don’t own the life of their children? They can’t control them forever….these children need space to breathe. They are not robots that can be controlled, if they could be controlled then there would be no rebelling children, or children turning to drugs, alcohol, etc.
I have not reached that point yet…I am just looking for a way out of this kind of life….I will get through this ALIVE.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Me
I've been thinking the past few days. Wondering about what I am going to do now that I am back in Manila, pondering on how I am as a person. I'm the type of person who will never tell a person his bad habits in front of him/her. I'll probably just post it in my blog or tell it to my mom, then remind myself never to commit those mistakes other people are doing.I know that nobody's perfect, so who am I to tell others of their mistakes, right?
I feel that I've changed after 50 days in Beijing. I learned a lot during this trip. Somehow I feel that I learned more about myself than what the teachers taught in the classroom. I'm now more mature, more open-minded and liberated in dealing with things. I've become wiser and more reasonable(not that I was unreasonable before, haha). I now think before I speak. I think farther, plan ahead...It's great!
One thing I regret most about the trip is that the 50 days was just too short...wish we could've extended for a few more days.
~~~
sidetrip!
I'm ranked 8th in our class, Candee is 5th. But It doesn't matter about the ranking, what's important is that we are in Level 6!!!Yeah!!!! =)
Posted some pics in my multiply and flickr accounts!
I feel that I've changed after 50 days in Beijing. I learned a lot during this trip. Somehow I feel that I learned more about myself than what the teachers taught in the classroom. I'm now more mature, more open-minded and liberated in dealing with things. I've become wiser and more reasonable(not that I was unreasonable before, haha). I now think before I speak. I think farther, plan ahead...It's great!
One thing I regret most about the trip is that the 50 days was just too short...wish we could've extended for a few more days.
~~~
sidetrip!
I'm ranked 8th in our class, Candee is 5th. But It doesn't matter about the ranking, what's important is that we are in Level 6!!!Yeah!!!! =)
Posted some pics in my multiply and flickr accounts!
Monday, May 22, 2006
back home!
I'm finally able to blog again! hehe Just got back to Manila last night...Still in jetlag mode today, but I still had to go to CKSC for our rehearsal for tomorrows performance.
I've got loads of stories to tell. I've met a lot of different personalitites during our stay there. Different kinds of people that I never imagined ever existed. There are people who just like to butt into other people's conversations, and those that take over the bathroom for hours at a time, people who just feel that they "own" their crushes, moms that think money makes the world go round, etc etc.
Even with the weirdo's I've encountered, I still miss my life in Beijing! I miss the freedom I had to go around at night, taking a stroll around campus in the morning and at nite, eating bbq mushroom or "ji pai", talking with our neighbours till super late while eating Lay's, etc etc. Somehow I feel, that I've grown roots there. 50 days was just too short...We were getting ready to leave just when everybody was starting to get used to life there. We were alwasys saying "bukas na lang" but we never realized that every day that passed meant that our Beijing life was getting nearer to its end. I wished that we could have extended the trip for a few more days. Now, I feel that UIBE-ISC is my home. Although yeah, my home here in Manila will always be the place I go to after I end a journey.
I feel that it is about time that I go out and live on my own. I have to learn to stand on my own, making decisions for myself. I may fall on the way but this is my life. At least I know that I have lived my life to the fullest.
That for me is what matters most.
I've got loads of stories to tell. I've met a lot of different personalitites during our stay there. Different kinds of people that I never imagined ever existed. There are people who just like to butt into other people's conversations, and those that take over the bathroom for hours at a time, people who just feel that they "own" their crushes, moms that think money makes the world go round, etc etc.
Even with the weirdo's I've encountered, I still miss my life in Beijing! I miss the freedom I had to go around at night, taking a stroll around campus in the morning and at nite, eating bbq mushroom or "ji pai", talking with our neighbours till super late while eating Lay's, etc etc. Somehow I feel, that I've grown roots there. 50 days was just too short...We were getting ready to leave just when everybody was starting to get used to life there. We were alwasys saying "bukas na lang" but we never realized that every day that passed meant that our Beijing life was getting nearer to its end. I wished that we could have extended the trip for a few more days. Now, I feel that UIBE-ISC is my home. Although yeah, my home here in Manila will always be the place I go to after I end a journey.
I feel that it is about time that I go out and live on my own. I have to learn to stand on my own, making decisions for myself. I may fall on the way but this is my life. At least I know that I have lived my life to the fullest.
That for me is what matters most.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)